


Viva la Vie Boheme

by Prongslet101



Series: Star trekkin through music [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: And Spock is a badass!, Crack, Gen, McCoy would make and awesome Mark!, Musical References, such fun!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3794785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prongslet101/pseuds/Prongslet101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequal to Never have I ever.<br/>When the senior staff of the Enterprise visit McCoy's home town, they discover that Both their CMO and First Officer have connections there to a drag queen, a druggie, a stripper, a lawyer, an anarchist, and many others. Shore leave has never been so much fun!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Viva la Vie Boheme

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of these songs or characters.

“So Bones” Jim Kirk asked 

“So Bones” Jim Kirk asked as he sat down for lunch with his senior staff. “What are you doing for shore leave?”

“Well” Leonard Horatio “Bones” McCoy said “I’m planning on getting away from you for a while” with a smirk for good measure

“Nice one bones! Now seriously, we” Here Jim motioned at everyone sitting at the table “Thought we could all spend it together! And since we all have absolutely no plans other than that, we are going to leave it up to your good judgment on where to go”

“You’re serious?” Bones asked staring at everyone

“Deadly, Len.” Nyota Uhura said

“Well I was planning on going home and spending time with my buddies from school…” Bones said

“Great! Ve vill go vith you!” Chekov said bouncing in his seat

“Only if you’re sure” Bones said

“Couldn’t be more sure!” Scotty said

“Great.” Bones muttered under his breath It’s gunna be a long two weeks

**One week later**

“C’mon Bones!” Jim whined from his seat on the McCoy family’s porch “WE haven’t gone into the city once! And we haven’t met your buddies either!”

“There is a very good” Bones started

“Len. Stop kidding yourself! You are just procrastinating on us meeting your friends! So we are going to have lunch in the city. You are welcome to join us if you want” Nyota said before making her way to the hovercar, the rest of them following behind.

Watching them drive off, McCoy mumbled under his breath about no good kids and their tiny attention spans. But 5 minutes later he was taking out his old school bicycle and starting towards the city. Still grumbling of course.

He found them a half hour later at the _Life Café_ where he and his friends hung out every day.

Walking in he managed to find them at a table in the back.

“Well, look who decided to show up.”Sulu said with a grin

“Are you all idots? How did you expect me to catch up with you all in that damn hovercar? I mean, really! You are all infants! Do you even know how to drive the thing? You were speeding like crazy! And another thing” McCoy ranted until he was interrupted by a voice behind him.

“Leo? Is that you man?” Everybody turned to face the speaker, a black man in a long trench coat holding what appeared to be a cigarette.

“Collins? Well I’ll be damned!” McCoy said moving to hug the man

“Hey guys! Look who I found!” Collins said turning to the group behind him.

The senior staff of the _Enterprise_ watched confusedly as their CMO was hugged and kissed by a multitude of people.

“Who are your friends Sweetie?” a large woman asked as she wrapped her arms around McCoy.

“Oh! Everyone, meet Jim, Nyota, Scotty, Sulu, Pavel, and...” McCoy

“S'chn!” A smaller girl squealed rushing to hug him

“No way!” McCoy said grinning at Spock “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was uncertain as to what your response would be Leo” Spock said causing the crew to gape at him.

“Wait! What the hell is this?” Jim asked

“Well, remember how I told you there was an exchange student at my school who was from Vulcan?” At their nods McCoy continued “Well, we only ever knew his first name, S'chn and we lost contact after he moved back. He played Roger in our production of _Rent_ but I had no Idea that Spock was S'chn!”

“I say this calls for a celebration!” The large girl from before said.  “I’ll get the music set up!” She flounced off.

“Just watch this guys! You all wanted to hear us sing again? You’re gonna hear us sing!” McCoy said an walked over to where the group had pushed multiple tables together before they heard the music start and a man started singing

BENNY  
You make fun - yet I'm the one  
Attempting to do some good  
Or do you really want a neighborhood  
Where people piss on your  
Stoop every night?  
Bohemia, Bohemia's  
A fallacy in your head  
This is Calcutta,  
Bohemia is dead

MCCOY  
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes

COLLINS & SPOCK  
Dies irae - dies illa, Kyrie eleison  
Yitgadal v'yitkadash

MCCOY  
Here she lies, no one knew her worth  
The late great daughter of Mother Earth  
On these nights when we  
Celebrate the birth  
In that little town of Bethlehem  
We raise our glass - you bet your ass to -  
La vie Boheme

ALL  
La vie Boheme  
La vie Boheme  
La vie Boheme  
La vie Boheme

MCCOY  
To days of inspiration  
Playing hookey, making  
Something out of nothing  
The need to express-  
To communicate,  
To going against the grain,  
Going insane, going mad  
To loving tension, no pension  
To more than one dimension,  
To starving for attention,  
Hating convention, hating pretension  
Not to mention of course,  
Hating dear old Mom and Dad  
To riding your bike,  
Midday past the three-piece suits  
To fruits - to no absolutes-  
To Absolut - to choice-  
To the Village Voice-  
To any passing fad  
To being an us for once ... instead of a them!!

ALL  
La vie Boheme, La vie Boheme

MR. GREY  
Ahhemm

MAUREEN  
Hey Mister - she's my sister

WAITER  
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad  
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter  
And one pasta with meatless balls

SPOCK  
Eww

COLLINS  
It tastes the same

MIMI  
If you close your eyes

WAITER  
And thirteen orders of fries  
Is that it here?

ALL  
Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL  
To hand-crafted beers  
Made in local breweries  
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese  
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo  
To Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS  
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion  
Creation, vacation

MCCOY  
Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS  
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

COLLINS  
To Sontag

ANGEL  
To Sondheim

FOUR GIRLS  
To anything taboo

COLLINS & SPOCK  
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage,

COLLINS  
Lenny Bruce

SPOCK  
Langston Hughes

MAUREEN  
To the stage

BOHEMIANS  
To Uta. To Buddha. Pablo Neruda, too.

MCCOY & MIMI  
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow  
To blow off Auntie Em

ALL  
La vie Boheme

MR. GREY  
Sisters?

MAUREEN & JOANNE  
We're close

ANGELS & COLLINS  
Brothers!

ALL  
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,  
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,  
Pee Wee Herman  
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein  
Antoniotti, Bertolucci, Kurosawa  
Carmina Burana  
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy  
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, ABC  
To no shame - never playing the Fame Game

COLLINS  
To marijuana

ALL  
To sodomy, it's between God and me  
To S & M

BENNY  
Waiter ... Waiter ... Waiter ....... Waiter!

ALL  
La vie Boheme

COLLINS  
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon  
will commence immediately following dinner ...  
Maureen Johnson, just  
back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will perform Native American tribal chants backwards through her recorder,  
while accompanying herself on the electric  
cello - which she has never studied.

SPOCK  
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary  
about his inability to hold an erection  
on the high holy days.

MCCOY  
And Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,  
will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance  
to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.

BENNY  
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us.

MIMI  
There's nothing to know

BENNY  
Don't you think that we should discuss...

MIMI  
It was three months ago.

BENNY  
He doesn't act like he's with you.

MIMI  
We're taking it slow.

BENNY  
Where is he now?

MIMI  
He's right... Hmm, where'd he go?

MCCOY  
And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.  
(SPOCK plays a solo)  
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz!"

COLLINS  
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions  
from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.

ANGEL  
And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist -  
including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T.  
virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words:

ALL  
"Actual reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS"

MIMI  
Excuse me - did I do something wrong?  
I get invited - then ignored all night long

SPOCK  
I've been trying - I'm not lying  
No one's perfect. I've got baggage

MIMI  
Life's too short, babe, time is flying  
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine

SPOCK  
I should tell you

MIMI  
I got baggage too

SPOCK  
I should tell you

SPOCK & MIMI  
Baggage

ALL  
Wine and beer!

They all stopped for a minute before the music started again

All  
Yea!!!  
  
To Dance  
  
Mimi  
No Way To Make A Living, massochisms,  
Pain, Perfection,  
Muscle Spasm, Chiropractors, Short-  
Careers, Eating Disorders  
  
All  
Film  
  
MCCOY  
Adventure, Tedium, No Family, Boring  
Locations,  
Dark Rooms, Perfect Faces, Egos,  
Money, Hollywood And Sleaze  
  
All  
Music  
  
Angel  
Food Of Love, Emotion, Mathematics,  
Isolation,  
Rhythm, power, feeling, Harmony,  
And Heavy Competition  
  
All  
Anarchy  
  
Collins & maureen  
Revolution, Justice, Screaming For  
Solutions,  
Forcing Changes, Risk, And Danger  
Making Noise And Making Pleas  
  
All  
To Faggots, Lezzies, Dykes, Cross  
Dressers Too  
  
Maureen  
To Me  
  
MCCOY  
To Me  
  
Collins & angel  
To Me  
  
All  
To You, And You And You, You And You  
To People living With, Living With,  
Living With  
Not Dying From Disease  
  
Let He Among Us Without Sin  
Be The First To Condemn  
  
La Vie Boheme  
La Vie Boheme  
La Vie Boheme  
  
MCCOY  
Anyone Out Of The  
Mainstream  
Is Anyone In The  
Mainstream?  
Anyone Alive - With A  
S** Drive  
Tear Down The Wall  
Aren't We All  
The Opposite Of War  
Isn't Peace...  
It's Creation  
  
All  
La Vie Boheme  
  
La Vie Boheme  
  
La Vie Boheme  
  
La Vie Boheme

ALL

Viva la vie boheme!

  
“That was so COOL!!!!” Jim said standing up and clapping hard. McCoy and Spock shared a look before pulling up another table and having the senior staff join them.

____________________________________________________________________

It was a couple weeks later and McCoy was back in his sickbay, going over inventory.

“You seem awfully chipper, doctor. Are you okay?” Nurse Chapal asked walking by

“Yeah Christine, I’m just fine. I just had a awesome shore leave is all” McCoy said

“May I ask what happened?”

“La Vie Boheme darling, La Vie Boheme”

 


End file.
